Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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