there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I came so hard my ears popped.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
