Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
