Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
