i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
