we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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