the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
