You're completely useless in the revolution.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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