those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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