Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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