To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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