Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
