Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm like, not good at living.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
