How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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