I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
