I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
