i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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