im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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