maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
