Is it because I queefed?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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