I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
