Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
