For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
