Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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