You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
