On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just cut my nipple shaving
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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