We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
