i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
