How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
