btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dick very happy bro
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