ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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