yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
