I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i dont even know how to be here
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Randomize
