I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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