Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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