Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
