Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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