do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
