I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
