I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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