dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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