she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
