If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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