Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
