This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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