Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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