I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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