I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
