Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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