Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
