Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can't special order awesome
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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