His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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